Awkward… awkward.

I’ve been awake with pain since 4am this morning.  It’s not a rare occurrence, but lying in the bed with throbbing joints just keeps Max awake and also starts my mind going off down really bizarre bunny trails …. as per Leunig (cartoon above….thanks Leunig, sums it up nicely) although this time, I didn’t lapse back into unconsciousness unfortunately.  So at about 4.30am I slowly made my way to the trusty recliner and waited for the codeine to kick in.

Once I’ve taken Jack to school shortly (it’s now 7.30am) no doubt I’ll go back to bed for quite a lot of the day.  Tuesday is post methotrexate (the chemo drugs) day, so it’s usually a quiet one anyway….most of my friends know I’m usually a zombie on Tuesday’s….it’s the day I feel the most isolated, but I like it that way. Especially since I tend to wear my sunflower leggings and  tie dyed t shirt that doesn’t cover my “tail end”….please see this video before you read on….you’re welcome 🙂

I also love leggings, mostly for the comfort but there’s also that fantastic feeling of being able to don something you know isn’t quite socially acceptable…..well my sunflower ones aren’t anyway… (I may post a photo at some stage – be prepared). I love to wear them….it’s the rebel in me coming out.  However….in the end, that rebel part of me always comes back to bite me in the bum.  Always.  You see, sometimes, just sometimes I have been known to wear my sunflower leggings down to the supermarket.  You know those times when you run out of something and think, bugger it, I’m just going to race in and out.  Unfortunately usually  I don’t race in and out.  No….I think…”oooo, I’ll just get one of those, and some of that, and oh…we also need that”.     And it’s always the time you run into THAT friend isn’t it?  You know the one….with the flawless makeup, perfect couture hung on the perfect body and the two angelic children, also dressed impeccably and behaving the same way.  She’s  clicking along there in her fashionable three inch heels (how do women wear those things anyway….especially mothers with children). Generally she’ll round the corner just as I’m very subtly trying to adjust my ridden up knickers back into place (come on ladies….we’ve all experienced that)  whilst browsing the hemorrhoids herbal ointment section of the medicines aisle. Those women love to accost me from behind with a cherry “hellloooooo Kim…..haven’t seen you for age-jusssssss”.  They usually give me a hug and nine times out of ten I’ll have consumed a bag of onion chips just prior to having left the house.  So not only am I conscious not to speak for fear of breathing onion fumes in her face as she hugs me,  but somewhere in the back of my mind I’m wondering if she detects I haven’t had a shower that morning because I was way too exhausted.  It always ends badly….I’m trying to answer with one word replies because I’m afraid of asphyxiating her with the rancid stench of onions, whilst backing away with my trolley as quickly as possible, generally bumping into someone.  And she’s usually standing there with her head cocked on one side looking a bit puzzled going “ok, byeeee then kimmy, we’ll have to do coffee sooooon” (probably thinking WTF?)  Then, just as I think I’ve escaped….every single aisle after that I have to walk past her, smiling awkwardly and trying not to make eye contact, hurriedly making my way along the said aisle with my sunflower leggings swishing away as my jumbo thighs rub together. Damn!  Should have at least worn that long shirt after all….while my “rebel” side is shrinking into obscurity really fast……awkward…so awkward.

I know I’ll probably always be awkward, there have been so many examples over the years….the time I accidently dropped a dog biscuit from my pocket on the floor of the very posh dermatologist’s office when leaving, or the time I found my knickers from the prior day making their way down my trouser leg and out onto the driveway of someone’s house just as I’m about to knock on their door.  (Turns out I’d not untangled them from my pants the night before and they had got stuck in there, surprising me with their appearance as explained….I must have been exhausted that night, as well as the next morning when I got dressed).  But that’s me….I’m never going to be one of the “Mrs Perfect’s” of this world.

So now I’m heading back off to bed again ….I’ll be sure to get my sunflower leggings ready to slip into once I’m done with my sleeping.  And luckily for the general public, I did my shopping yesterday.  So here’s hoping for a relatively isolated and embarrassment free day today.