Today our All Blacks team won the rugby world cup. I am a little surprised to note how proud I feel about that, but there we are. Whilst I didn’t get up at 5am to watch the game, I was very happy to hear the result upon waking. Lets face it, most days it’s a struggle to actually have a shower without several rests during the process, so a 5am wake up and enthusiastic waving of hands, jumping up and down and the stress my heart would have been under watching was never going to happen! But proud to be a kiwi right now?….why yes, yes I am.
I’ve never really been a big fan of rugby, I know, terribly unpatriotic of me since it is our national game. I can’t seem to get past the drinking culture than can go with it, and the way it seems acceptable for our men to be all huggy and affectionate with each other on the field, but heaven forbid if they were to be a little “softer” with each other in real life. Gotta keep up that staunch kiwi male persona right? (Yes, I’m probably being very general here and possibly, (that’s POSSIBLY) a little unfair about kiwi males…but I’m pretty sure there is some truth in my thoughts too).
Actually, sports in general. I’m really not good with the whole sport thing. Prior to getting sick, I was a bit active, and managed to keep reasonably fit. I even trained and competed in a body shaping contest about 18 years ago (got third actually – probably the biggest sporting achievement I’ll ever do in my lifetime so I feel a little “blowing of my own trumpet” is ok). But not so these days….the most difficult thing I do physically now is using my calf muscles to push the footrest of my recliner into place as I get out of it. Sigh.
I miss not being active actually, and from my recliner I can look out the window onto the street and I see a number of slim women about my age, jogging past in their lycra with pony tails swinging. (Can anyone detect a tinge of green in my voice?). When I was thirty, I thought I was going to be one of those middle aged fit, beautiful ladies. I imagined myself riding my bike through the plantation with my kids, going for hikes while seeing the sites of our beautiful country as a family and camping trips in a tent during the summer holidays. I was going to age well, and be an active, stylish, successful and busy middle aged woman.
I’ve changed my focus now through necessity, and I’ve become a plump Mum, who, on good days bakes yummy cakes and fudge for my boys, drives the country when I’m well enough to visit my two oldest (and I really love these road trips), oh, and of course I run the household from a recliner in the corner of the lounge. (Not to mention a cat lady, who collects strays). If my fingers are working I can crochet blankets for my family some days, and look….I’m also a blogist! And there’s more….it’s all a case of looking at the things I can do and not what I can’t, although to be honest, most days are a mix of both.
I love to see people around me being successful in the things they strive for though. In the past there used to be an element of competition about that. I felt I needed to keep up and be able to achieve amazing things too, but I’ve long given up on that!
Now,I love to appreciate my lovely husband Max who is an awesomely talented pianist and continues to achieve great things with his music. Each of my boys are doing really well in terms of using the gifts they have been blessed with to grow themselves and their lives. I have two friends who are both using their creative talent to make and offer beautiful art to the world. And now just look at our national rugby team….world champions. It truly does my soul good to celebrate the success of those around me. And it helps me to remember that although my achievements seem small and insignificant in comparison these days, most mornings getting my shower done, my hair and face presentable and managing to get dressed, for me, is as good as getting out there and playing a full on game of rugby. And if the spoon theory is part of your life, I’m sure as another “spoonie” you will identify!
Kim Tocker 